reflecting on loss

Reflecting on loss...

I bet I can make you feel old. I know I do. How do I do this? 2004 was 10 years ago. Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” was 10 years ago. Smh (“shake my head”).Today…the 19^th marks the 10^th anniversary of the loss of one of the most important people in my life. Look back over the last 10 years…did you ever think those events would happen? Neither did I. But, here we are.

Every one of us has had to deal with loss at some time or another and at different levels. I am not here to say that I am special, but that I am here, to lend an ear, to talk to listen, to Skype, to Facebook, anyone who may need someone to just ‘be there’. Loss is difficult to comprehend. It is never logical that the loss happened in the first place, and grieving can ease over the years, but can also come back at any time, at any strength.

I have and interesting past, full of drama and intrigue, as with any family. It was through a recent discussion with a good friend that I realized…I didn’t come from a broken home. I came from a home that happened to be broken. No matter what, I was always surrounded by people who loved and cared for me. In the crazy mix of drama and love, I was blessed to have two father figures in my life, the later, whom I’ve lost suddenly 10 years ago today. This has been posted before. I still look at it and see where I can make changes, I’m not thrilled with it...it’s choppy with no rhythm, but when it comes from the heart…there is nothing to edit.

Keith M. Hill (November 19th, 1948-February 19th 2004) [originally written February 19 2009]

To the man who changed my life...I hope that where ever you may be, you can see me and know how much I miss you and cannot wait until we meet again. If I could think of one moment in my life, where my fate could be much different, it would be when we joined our lives together...me as one of your daughters, and you as one of my fathers.

There were so many times when you believed in me, when even I couldn't. When I held my head low, you lifted it up.

You showed me a new life, a new world, where it was possible to be safe and cared for at the same time.

You showed me how to throw a pitch, how to drive a car, and how it feels to be caught in a lie

I admired you from the moment I met you. You welcomed me with open arms and untimely humour.

You never judged me...only my actions, in which I am thankful for your guidance still.

When I am ever at a cross roads, I will always think, "What would Keith say?"

Though there were no biological relations, you were my dad in every sense of the word.

In a matter of hours from this note, it will be 5 years since I last saw you, our last conversation...we were together...you were helping me...up to the day you died.

I would give anything to be able to see your face and to hold you in an embrace, but have faith that God has bigger plans for you right now.

I see you in my dreams from time to time, but always, they are too short.

My mom, Dave, and myself hold your memory strong. No one could ever take your place. Words cannot express the void that has been left in our lives.

We miss you, love you, and hope that you are watching from above...celebrating in our good times, and grieving in our sorrows.

Until we meet again, Keith. Your influence on all of our lives will never be forgotten.

<3

Cara

Recently, a study has shown that...

I haven’t blogged in a while, so I apologize to my readers…how did you get a long without me? Heehee…

following post is something that I’ve thought about for a long time but couldn’t come up with how to best bring it across to those of you back home without sounding negative about the UAE. My intention is to simply inform and perhaps comment a bit about the culture. This can be tricky. I want to give facts and have my readers decide. I love Abu Dhabi itself and owe much to this country that has changed my life in such a positive way.

Driving to school this week while listening to a news report, it dawned on me. I can bring news headlines across to those back home with some clarification. In this way, aspects of the culture are coming across from a more ‘official source’ with my experiences tied to them.

Here in the UAE, I’ve noticed a lot of ‘studies’ being done. The following studies might seem simple and common sense to you and I. Remember, please, that this country is only 42 years old, and the citizens of the Emirate have come a very long way in very little time. There are some big clashes, as you can imagine when you have a country that has a 20% population of locals (Emirati), and 80% expats such as myself.

The following are actual reports here in the UAE, “A study has been done to show that…”

1.   “Dr Eman Al Nuaimi, paediatric dentistry resident at the Dubai School, said poor parenting was because adults are unaware of the importance of taking care of teeth. “A number of children are brought for dental work and are put under general anaesthesia. It is expensive and can be prevented,” she said.” Taken from www.gulfnews.com

·         Well, I can say that when I look at my children that many of them have teeth in the process of rotting. Poor parenting? Maybe a lack of instilling proper nutrition (most students bring sugar filled items to school) and lack of monitoring dental hygiene. I didn’t like them pointing the finger at ‘poor parenting’. In teaching local children, it is very clear that the parents care about their children. Most of my parents are involved in some way, and those who aren’t I believe wish they were, but haven’t found their way to be yet. Hopefully now that a ‘study’ has been done, citizens will take it to heart and be more involved in brushing and maintaining their children’s teeth.

2.    ‘Most traffic accidents and fatalities in the UAE are due to a) speeding, b) not leaving enough stopping distance, and c) swerving from one lane to another. We must change the ‘me first’ attitude and drive with caution’ taken from news report on radio.

·         Hmmm…when I went home for Christmas and told my friends that the Dubai police were getting a new fleet of cars able to catch up to the drivers who go 300+ km/hr, they thought I was mistaken. I must have meant 200km/hr? Wrong. Driving here is not as bad as you might think but you have to be ready for anything at any time. Fog and rain are brutal conditions when 350 out of the 365 days are beautiful and sunny. Driving in the so called fast lane isn’t one of the things I like to do. Before you know it, you will have a large SUV on your tail flashing their lights on you to move over. I posted on Thursday via Facebook an article from KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia) noting that there is an average of 19 fatalities a day in that country from traffic accidents. I can say in the UAE that it’s probably a lot safer due to red light cameras and speeding sensors. Breaking one of these rules you’ll be brightly “flashed” by the lights and fined accordingly. Why is speeding such an issue? Not sure…perhaps the fines are not enough of a deterrent. The traffic police and criminal courts are also separate, unlike at home where they are tied, so there is a limit as to what the traffic police can do.

3.    “Of the more than two million calls made in Dubai, more than 500,000 of them were classified as situations not requiring immediate attention. “One guy called us because he had locked himself out of his car. That’s not an emergency,” said Brig Omar Abdul Aziz Al Shamsi, the director of Command and Control Centre at Dubai Police “Some people call thinking their issue is an emergency when, in fact, it does not qualify as one. One man complained about a bad mobile phone signal, one was looking for help with a leaking pipe and another trying to find a maid for his house.” Taken from www.thenational.ae

·         I don’t really have much of a defense here. I think if I tried to defend this one, I would be insulting to the common sense thinking citizens!

I predict that there will be more ‘studies’ done to try and get main issues in the Emirate solved. I hope one is done (if it has already, it should be again), on the importance of child safety seats in cars. 2 of the 3 studies above have to do with traffic…now realize most children are not in proper seats or even belted in. Maybe there will be a study that will reveal that our students should be taught according to more realistic outcomes? Hmmm…

Back home, I know we have our silly ways of doing things and outdated laws too. I can only imagine the culture shock that Emirati citizens might have should they go to North America and see our ways for themselves. This blog was to bring across what I see, not to be negative. It may seem backwards at first, but really, just different. Things are changing still. Remember, 42 years ago, this was simply a fishing village with hardly any vehicles or sugar. Four months here and I still feel the culture shock. 

Thank you again for your readership! 

xo