Reflecting on loss...
I
bet I can make you feel old. I know I do. How do I do this? 2004 was 10 years
ago. Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” was 10 years ago. Smh (“shake my
head”).Today…the 19th marks the 10th anniversary of the
loss of one of the most important people in my life. Look back over the last 10
years…did you ever think those events would happen? Neither did I. But, here we
are.
Every
one of us has had to deal with loss at some time or another and at different
levels. I am not here to say that I am special, but that I am here, to lend an
ear, to talk to listen, to Skype, to Facebook, anyone who may need someone to
just ‘be there’. Loss is difficult to comprehend. It is never logical that the
loss happened in the first place, and grieving can ease over the years, but can
also come back at any time, at any strength.
I
have and interesting past, full of drama and intrigue, as with any family. It
was through a recent discussion with a good friend that I realized…I didn’t
come from a broken home. I came from a home that happened to be broken. No
matter what, I was always surrounded by people who loved and cared for me. In
the crazy mix of drama and love, I was blessed to have two father figures in my
life, the later, whom I’ve lost suddenly 10 years ago today. This has been
posted before. I still look at it and see where I can make changes, I’m not
thrilled with it...it’s choppy with no rhythm, but when it comes from the heart…there
is nothing to edit.
Keith
M. Hill (November 19th, 1948-February 19th 2004) [originally written February
19 2009]
To
the man who changed my life...I hope that where ever you may be, you can see me
and know how much I miss you and cannot wait until we meet again. If I could
think of one moment in my life, where my fate could be much different, it would
be when we joined our lives together...me as one of your daughters, and you as one
of my fathers.
There
were so many times when you believed in me, when even I couldn't. When I held
my head low, you lifted it up.
You
showed me a new life, a new world, where it was possible to be safe and cared
for at the same time.
You
showed me how to throw a pitch, how to drive a car, and how it feels to be
caught in a lie
I
admired you from the moment I met you. You welcomed me with open arms and
untimely humour.
You
never judged me...only my actions, in which I am thankful for your guidance
still.
When
I am ever at a cross roads, I will always think, "What would Keith
say?"
Though
there were no biological relations, you were my dad in every sense of the word.
In
a matter of hours from this note, it will be 5 years since I last saw you, our
last conversation...we were together...you were helping me...up to the day you
died.
I
would give anything to be able to see your face and to hold you in an embrace,
but have faith that God has bigger plans for you right now.
I
see you in my dreams from time to time, but always, they are too short.
My
mom, Dave, and myself hold your memory strong. No one could ever take your
place. Words cannot express the void that has been left in our lives.
We
miss you, love you, and hope that you are watching from above...celebrating in
our good times, and grieving in our sorrows.
Until
we meet again, Keith. Your influence on all of our lives will never be
forgotten.
<3
Cara
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